Breaking the silence: Why men need to talk more

Surrey Hills on a decent day!

In the space of 24 hours last weekend three friends in separate conversations said the same thing to me:

“aren’t men bad at talking to each other......as in really talking?”

Each of these friends have ‘proper’ chats with their male friends and they also know plenty of men that don’t (frequently starting with our own fathers - though in fairness my dad has come to that party later in his life!). At the same time there are many examples of break ups and break downs that may have been avoidable if only conversations had been held.

Men (generally) don’t take the time to talk about things that really matter. Banter is great (it really is!) but there is no substitute for talking about the things you are stuck on, the things that you are thinking about for the future, and the things that are exciting right now.

One of the aforementioned friends made an astute observation: men are MUCH better at having a chat while doing something.

It could be a walk, a game of snooker or almost anything other than sitting down face to face opposite each other! I had the pleasure of doing a 3 hour hike with a good mate last Sunday. I am training for the Yorkshire Dales Three Peaks challenge in a couple of weeks to raise money for a charity fighting a rare cancer in children (Alice's Arc led by Sara Wakeling (Craddock)) – and I pinged Neal on the off chance he wanted to join me on this training hike. He did.

We spent 3 hours hiking side by side (plus an hour and a half for lunch!) and talking. We talked about family, friends, work, politics, homes, kids’ education, earlier life adventures, what we will be doing in 15 years time – as well as what we will be doing in 2 weeks time! It was restorative to shoot the breeze from really important topics to more light hearted ones. And talking out loud is also a great way for you to process your own thinking.

(Side note: For more on this look up Steve Peters or, better still, listen to episode 215 of The Diary of a CEO where he is interviewed by Steven Bartlett).

Chatting on a hike, while walking side by side in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty made it easy to bounce around conversations…..not to mention healthy physically.

So as the days get shorter and autumn turns to winter, rather than succumb to the allure of a fire and a glass or two of red wine, I’m going to make sure I get out for a walk …..and I am going to ask other friends if they want to come along.

I am guessing there are many of us who would find the stretching of mental and physical legs a great benefit over the months ahead - but its not the only way:

What do you do when you want to have a proper chat with someone?

Sharing it might just help someone else have that conversation that changes their path for the better.

PS – if you are interested in Alice's Arc (the children's cancer charity) – you can find out more here: Any support for them is gladly welcome!